Handling Change

Do you have a child who seems to manage transition and change easily, or does your child take longer to adapt to new situations or changes. As creatures of habit we are designed to short cut our complex world by developing routines. This gives us the comfort of knowing what to expect and how to behave so we can use our energy on other more difficult tasks.

Parents often report the differences between siblings in the same situation, what works with one child may not work with another. Our personalities and temperament play a part in how we handle change. In the 1970s, two researchers, Thomas and Chess, identified nine distinct characteristics of a child's temperament. 'Approach - withdrawal' refers to your child's first response to a new situation or stimulus. Some children move easily into new situations, taking very little time to join a new group of playmates, while others may stand back and need encouragement or time to adjust to the new setting. These differences can also be observed in other situations such as a change in a routine or introducing new foods. Some children eagerly seek new experiences while others withdraw from new activities and experiences.

'Adaptability' refers to how easy or difficulty your child is able to modify their reactions. Similar to approach-withdrawal, adaptability looks at the length of time it takes your child to adjust.  

Understanding your child's temperament is important, as it allows you to support transition and change with your child whilst working with their timings. It is also worth thinking about your own temperament and how this fits with your child, if you are highly adaptability and your child takes a little longer this can be hard on the parent. Similarly, a cautious parent may find their 'eager to go' child a handful at times.

Further reading: www.childdevelopmentinfo.com

Reference: Thomas,A., & Chess, S. (1977). Temperament and Development. Brunner-Marzel.

Sleep

Is your bedtime routine a battle to see who has the strongest will, do you ever wonder what is was like to sleep through the night and reminisce back to those pre-children days or do you have the sleep thing sorted?

Routine.. Learning theories have helped us understand the cues that surround us and the link that they have with our behaviour. Think of all the cues that symbolise it is time for bed, whether your routine is a bath, story-time, shutting the curtains, or just slowing the pace down these all signify that a difference in your child’s behaviour is expected. It is important to establish a night-time routine which begins around the same time each night and lasts the same amount of time. As darkness would be usually be a cue, a well established routine will pay dividends in the light summer evenings.

Children with little or no routine find it difficult to know what their own boundaries are and establishing patterns which let them know what is expected of them and when will really help them develop into strong individuals who can regulate themselves.

Fear.. Some children do find it difficult to separate from their parents at night-time, this is perfectly normal and dark bedrooms are often fantastic places for the imagination to begin wandering. The important thing is to listen to your child’s concerns, stay calm (yes even after the 25^th time they have called you) reassure them but…and it is a big but..try and make sure they stay in their bed…that is a tough one, especially in the middle of the night when all you want to do is go to sleep. The important thing is to think about what you are teaching your little one, it’s okay to get scared, I am here but you can do this and go back to sleep on your own….or, hey..great…if I wake in the night I can go into a nice warm bed and not be on my own..then when you try and coax them back into their own bed it is a huge task.

Night-waking…Some of the same principles apply whether your child has got into the habit of waking in the night after an illness, or just gets scared. We all go through patterns of deep sleep and natural waking in the night, most of us don’t remember and just go right back to sleep. If the cues around your child or the habits you have got into say ‘wake up and find mummy or daddy ‘then try and work with your little one to break these habits. Dependant on their age, try a reward system for each night they manage to sleep through, or count the number of times they wake and try and reduce this each night. The best thing I ever bought (recommended by a friend) was the night-time bunny who does not open his eyes until the morning time. Each time my little one woke up she could look at the clock and the cue was it is not time to wake up and she went back to sleep.

Worried? Of course, night time waking can be a signal that something else is wrong and if you are at all unsure about whether your child’s behaviour is OK then seek our your health visitor, GP or school nurse for a second opinion.

Sonya Wallbank

Further reading: Ferber,R (1985). Solve your child’s sleep problems. The complete practical guide for parents. Dorling Kindersley Childcare Library.